“Cookies” and Jai and Savitri

Reading my posts on zenkatwrites is taking a trip down my last few years.
There has been a lot of loss… and I guess that is part of what happens at a certain age.
I am in my sixties, and so family members are dying.
FRIENDS  are dying.
*hang in here with me, because my whole blog is not going to
become death death death all death all the time*

I posted my blog the other day from the day Jai died this week.
Then after having a good cry I walked onto the bathroom to pee
and Savitri followed me in,
all aflutter with her morning sassiness, and we did “swishigurl”…
she has me cornered and she writhes like Mata Hari and
I have to rub her tummy and
stroke her or she jumps up on my bare legs…
*love her, not loving her nails as they hit my bare legs*

When I left the bathroom, I stopped crying.
I thought about how if I had to give up one of these guys
to bring Jai back I would not, could not.
*the choice would break my heart but there it is*

The secret is in moving forward,
and finding the way to stand with one foot in two worlds.
You start by getting up each day and taking the steps to move outward,
and then many days go by and you have grown a bit.
You say yes to an invitation.
You move outside your comfort zone.
If you are lucky you have friends who push you gently toward life.
*if you don’t get new friends!*


Another thing about going through my old posts is that
I posted a few friends videos or writings on zenkatwrites…
Jilanne Hoffmann’s was revisited (below).
Now I’ve lost my mom and there are things I wish I hadn’t let go,
I can relate even more fully.
*but the car was full and so there it is —
the biggest being that silly life-size (almost) santa*

Jilanne, I want to know if you made her divinity yours.
Did you ever make her cookies?
I have many of my mom’s recipes, BUT, I had to steal them from her —
literally, I stole her recipes years ago and copied them because
she was not forthcoming about giving them to me!
I can make her chocolate cherry bars and pineapple cheesecake
and Christmas balls and spaghetti sauce.
*oh but I can’t, I will not use many of the ingredients, so like Jilanne,
i will make my own and use better ingredients and i will nod to her when i do*

There are many ways to move forward.

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New Moon


New Moon, New Journal.
I love it when that happens…


Parvati is starting this journal.
Inked, and wouldn’t you know it after a couple years
I decided to change the ink in my Metro and so she is drawn in the wrong color —
Encre Classique Vert Moyen!
I forgot and thought I had KWZ Foggy Green.
*i changed the color back… will stick with what i know
and put the Vert Moyen in another pen* 
Mitchell said that was the color he saw her in, so I figure it was meant to be!

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Breathing in loss, sending sunflowers

W14 7 11 Jai Govinda The Love 300dpi

Two years later I am still missing him.
I am beginning the process of unraveling my other blog site, zenkatwrites;
not going to use it anymore.
I don’t want my writing to be separate from my artwork,
and there was too much division of me — split in two parts.

Now my writing on Buddhism, family, cats,
politics (oh gads not much what is there to say?),
and the entire enchilada will be here.

And I came across this on zenkatwrites.
We just passed the anniversary of his death yesterday.
This was what I posted the day he died, and I still feel it today;
get out your hankies….


“There are no happy endings.
Endings are the saddest part,
So just give me a happy middle
And a very happy start.”
― Shel Silverstein, Every Thing on It

Saying goodbye to Govinda Jai today.
Heart is breaking open.
Unplugging for the day.  Breathing in loss, sending sunflowers.

It was hard to be in the studio after.
I love all our guys but you know how every so often a really special cat comes along?
He was that.
Crying again.  Breathing in loss, sending sunflowers.

I keep looking for him because frankly we humans are the most bumm-fuzzled beings.

He had very very bad IBS at the end no thanks to Newman’s Own
for mislabeling their carageenan-riddled “organic” cat food for five years
so they didn’t have to reprint labels.
Breathing in anger, sending sunflowers.
We are washing three huge loads of washrags and bed covers and
oh gads and I’d do it again if it wasn’t for the simple fact that he was miserable.
He wasn’t completely miserable for too long — a few days —
but he wasn’t going to come back from it, we just knew.
Two nights ago we had to put him on special food which looked like astronaut food.
He looked at us with big eyes as if the whole thing was a bad joke.
Breathing in loss, sending sunflowers.
He made his point by vomiting behind my desk chair —
I can’t handle the smell.  Give me shit to clean up any day but I vomit when others do!

We are having Annie’s Enchiladas because we’ve been cooking for him too and I just can’t tonight.  He ate something cat appropriate off our plates every night, even if we had to fool him, which we were not often able to do, then he would stare at us, betrayed.
Breathing in loss, sending sunflowers.

Last night I woke to a dream about an airplane — huge super sized bigger than life
plane — landing on the runway in front of me with a thud that woke me straight up out of my sleep.  Some things went on at that time with him and then we knew.
Breathing in loss, sending sunflowers.

He came up to spend time with me cuddling, which frankly he has not done for a few weeks.  I think the  steroids made him more aloof, and the discomfort.
But he came for kisses-on-his-head (a ritual for him, done anywhere he wanted them) and cuddles and I napped with him in my arms and my head on Mitchell’s shoulder,
smelling his head which smelled like cookies for some reason.
Breathing in loss, sending sunflowers.

He had whatever the hell he wanted for breakfast, no tortuous space food.

He was right by my side in the middle of the night when I was up
and painting and roaming about.

I am asking the Great Is to send him back to us.

Breathing in loss, sending sunflowers.

Heart broken wide open.

2005 11 29 JAI©D. Katie Powell.
My images/blog posts may be reposted; please link back  to dkatiepowellart.

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Mom, Again


This journal I’ve not shared as many pages.
Death and family — the latter being what I could not share.
Some of them are still alive.


Her empty jewelry box says something to me, as I get an emotional
and physical reaction to it every time I walk into the finish room.
I am going to clean and polish it, and repair the green silk — and use it!
I bought it for her when I was sixteen.
I am not sure why I have the reaction… I am sure it will come to me one day.

And, I finished the journal with this today,
and while I may post other images I’ve done later,
I find it auspicious when a journal ends/begins on the New Moon.

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King Vomit


He’s my hero.

Need I say more?

 

©D. Katie Powell.
My images/blog posts may be reposted; please link back  to dkatiepowellart.

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Studio Cats Growing Up!


They are getting old enough and BIG enough that it is time for them to
learn to be in the studio unsupervised for short times…
We clip their nails and their are rules…
*hahahahahaaaaa rules will be broken in our absence*
but it is nice to be able to walk down the hall to the finish room
and not have to round them up!

So this day we were working in the finish room
*always a no-cats zone — chemicals can hurt them*
and they stayed out!  BUT…
There was a beetle bug on the ceiling and that was their focus!
All three sat on the cat tree or on the edge of the table, watching the bug…
not a good test of their well-behaved-ness!
Yaman also howled for an hour because it is his job to not only catch the bugs
before they get us but to make sure we KNOW he is on the job.

They didn’t like it when we disappeared… It’s nice to be missed.


BTW, Hari-Gibbs-Fred is not a favorite, nor is he easier to sketch
*though all-black Yaman can be tough sometimes*
It is, simply, he doesn’t run from the camera or walk away when I am sketching!
Sam is an old man who spends his days curled in the travel container
with bursts of wild energy where he runs around like a kitten again!
Yaman and Savitri must have the deep rooted belief that capturing their likeness
is going to steal their soul; they will wake if the camera is near
and run, look away, or turn their butts to you!!

©D. Katie Powell.
My images/blog posts may be reposted; please link back  to dkatiepowellart.

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Cat Squares, 2

Continuing on from Cat Squares 1


4. SOCCER BALL

Savitri’s a world cup champ!  She brings the ball to me in the mornings.
the game begins when I throw it in the air…
It sails over the studio tables to land where she deftly corrals it
and plays it between her paws,
pushing it thirty feet to the goal, a Depression Era chair.

Again and again….

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Comforts


Bread is a comfort food.
My mom made fresh bread; I never got the hang.
Maybe I need to try it again?

Freshly baked, a piece ripped from the end…
or sliced and baked with butter and garlic.
Yum.  I am letting myself have this comfort these days.


It is like wearing a warm blanket that stays put as you move about.
When I am stressed and feel pushed like today I put this on
It is a protective cocoon that magically solves the emotional problems of the world.

It is darned and a little thread bare, well loved for thirty years.

Note: all the “painted” colors came from Robert Oster Motor Oil;
it had a mind of its own, and I could not pull the
brown or green out willfully, it just sort of did that..

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Deadlines


Deadlines are stressful, and partly it is because of my age;
I am not as young as I used to be, and when hand stitching an item like the sofa,
my arthritic hands feel it, as I am going through several layers of thick gimp and silk.

Thankfully I get to stitch side-by-side with Mitchell;
we stitched together at opposite ends of the sofa.
We listened to Michelle Obama’s autobiography, read by her!
(A great read, and having little to do with her life as first lady.)

I thought you might like to see the real thing this time…
The actual antique sofa below, and earlier sketches.

It is wonderful to have this visual remembering!

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Crazy Busy


Before my mom died I was feeling stressed by deadlines;
I wrote this at that time and it is even more true today…
but I am no longer worried about her.

I’m glad we took the extra time down over New Year’s;
It was worth it to fully recover from one of the hardest years yet.

Oddly, I think our Christmas cactus knows we need his cheer and he is still blooming — now about 45 days of blooms!  When we walk into the lobby we are greeted by swirling color and cheer, between the Monterey pieces and the horses and the colorful cactus.
*sorry i only had time for a line drawing, but, you know, deadlines!
he deserves a glorious watercolor!*

Journaling saves me, even if it is a quick drawing at the end of the day
to think about what has transpired and draw a little.

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Ice Cream Cones

The best way to eat an ice cream cone is to put just enough
ice cream in the cone to top it off, because think about it,
isn’t the best part of eating and ice cream cone to have bites of cone+ice cream?

Mitchell and I don’t agree on this.
Sadly, the ill-informed man thinks cones are just holders for ice cream.
He keeps topping more ice cream on the same cone
until he’s eaten a pint of dripping vanilla.

What you favorite way to eat and ice cream cone?.

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Letting Go


Disclaimer: This is not a Marie Kondo post…

I’ve always been pretty good about giving up things I don’t use or that don’t fit.
Where I’ve been slow is a few precious things that are memories of another me, a younger me, a sexier me (in my mind) before things sagged and so forth.
Women have this part of them that ages in surprising ways, and it is not the wrinkles!

So here are these fringed cowgirl gloves, flirtaceous, lovely dusky blue leather
with white painted fringe… I fell in love with them in that way where you know an
article of clothing is your soulmate… guys I don’t know if you do this.

Anyhow, my arthritic hands don’t fit them anymore  *sob*
and I have held onto them for five years but really, someone should be loving them.

As part of my art journaling, which I am so ready to teach now, I lovingly painted them, wrote about them, and can now gift them to someone who will love them.

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VSW: Kythira, Greece, Two

Mmmm, beaches, a good thing to want to visit
when you are in Portland in January!
Beautiful photos from Demi Kalfa!


Cheery flowers all by themselves……

Finished pages!

Photos used with permission as reference are from Demi Kalfa!  Thank you!

If you want to join a virtual sketchwalk,
all from pictures, come join us!

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Mom’s Service

My mom’s memorial mass is today.
I recreated a nicer drawing from the
sketch I had in my journal,
but left it blank so I could write in her prayer.
I”ll have some of her ashes…
A strange thing to be sure.

This is the finished product.
When I was done I realized I might like to
send this card just as a card,
so I removed her personal information.


The version of this prayer without my Mom’s
dedication is now available on Redbubble.

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VSW: Kythira, Greece, One


This sketchwalk of Kythira, Greece is from beautiful photos from Demi Kalfa!

The blues fill my heart and eyes and spirit…
They take me home!


I want to live right here…


Photos used with permission as reference are from Demi Kalfa!  Thank you!

If you want to join a virtual sketchwalk,
all from pictures, come join us!

To hear about classes, follow me on Facebook
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USK, Kaiser


Following on my last Robert Oster ink post,
I took RO Purple Jazz ink out sketching while trying to stay sane.
Last year was hard and this was part of it.
Mitchell had a problem in his throat and after watching Patrick die of esophageal cancer,
I went a bit nuts worrying.  And btw, in our lovely country with its non-socialized
medicine it took two full months of waiting to get a simple barium study…

It is not cancer.
AMA has NOTHING they can do for this, but our acupuncturist said it is common in China, “Cherry-pit-syndrome”, and it is a diet/stress thang.
So herbs and maybe a modification of his diet, and he is getting better.
Oh, btw, in our great land of non-socialized medicine where we pay so much now
again for insurance, they don’t cover acupuncture.

Yes I am testy about this damn insurance crap.

I like taking the non-soluble pens in my pocket on trips like this
because a line drawing is all I’ll have time for (and drawing keeps me sane)
but I can touch it with a waterbrush and it becomes very interesting.

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Quan Yin, New year

Oh I am late in my postings.
This is what happens when you have to get back to work and
you were lazy and slept in every day during you staycation.

On the other hand, I am writing more and so may post a bit sporadically.

I love this RO Purple Jazz ink and how it moves… Yum!
Working with soluble inks and watching them move is a zenny experience.
You don’t have the control you have with watercolors so you have to let go
and enjoy the show… so Quan Yin has blue hands.
BTW, I am putting my copyright mark on some images starting now…

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American Flag


Back to work 100% today.
I find it so strange the way things come in waves.

Suddenly we are getting calls and repairing various historic American flags.

I love the colors and decided to do a detail.

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