Doe Library Palm


We did some work for UC Berkeley.


The Doe Library is one of the most beautiful spaces I’ve seen,
and there is a window with the palm through it and it is just like this.

Last week was our anniversary week.
Twenty-one years ago he walked through my front door.

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Hari-Fred-Gibbs Hurts: Versed/Midazolam


Gibbs was limping.
When you see the way the cats tear around playing it isn’t such an odd thought…

BUT, he also has put on weight (he is going ot be a BIG cat)
and worse, he was moving stiffly.  Too stiffly for a “kitten.”

We took him to our vet and she wanted to do xrays because he got ferocious
when she touched him certain places.  She thought it might be his back.
Now here  is the reason I’m writing this…

They had to knock him out for a very short time.
They gave him a common mix of Butorphanol, Midazolam and Dexdomitor.
Under, out quickly, and no back issues (thank the god/dess).
He has to go see a surgeon because he may have luxating patella, unusual in cats,
and so we will go see them — that is another story —
and whatever is wrong with his paw is healing and he is walking again.

I am writing about Midazolam, which is another name for Versed.
One of these miracle drugs that allows animals and humans to endure a short procedure (or a long one) calmly and without memory… yes, that is right, it messes with your memory.  It doesn’t knock you out, but makes sure that you don’t remember or experience the pain/surgery/etc that you went through.

I know about this because my mom had it during her heart surgery and she had experiences that were like dreams but so real — hallucinations —
that she never completely stopped believing that she didn’t have those experiences…
She never quite believed us though she sometimes acquiesced
because all of us told her the same thing.
This memory drug worked with her mind so that she didn’t recognize me,
insisted that this or that happened, and this went on for months.

When I mentioned it to a few clients MOST (not all) of them had terrible experiences on it, feeling disturbed after, having memory lapses, hallucinations.
All had had it during routine procedures — short times
when they didn’t knock you out but you needed not to feel what they were doing.

All said they put it in their charts never to use that drug on them again.

This is the second cat that has has this drug: Savitri had it and was out of it for days.
She could walk after about 2 hours, but she was frightened, loopy, not herself.
We kept her confined long after they suggested because her judgement was off.

Now Gibbs didn’t come out of it either.  For a week.
They sent him home, and we have confidence in our vet, she is very very good.
He could walk, but he was frightened, drunk, judgement off…
The next day he tood a flying leap and belly landed on something hard.
Maybe that part is not the worrisome part — maybe it is normal for a cat
to be slower after any ordeal where they are subject to things they don’t like,
but days later he is not himself.

He is frightened.  He is skitterish.
This cat is the solid rock of Gibraltar of cats normally, completely unflappable.
He is not running after springs or balls,
though he did finally run and play a bit yesterday.
He became the biggest love-bug ever (he is a lover) BUT that took the form of
wanting to hide his head under our armpit, hide his face under covers, and sleep on Mitchell (he seems to be a hot-body sleeper and usually can’t stick around all night.)
He is  not himself.

I am going to get wu-wu on you now, or some of you may consider it that.
But think about this, and how disturbing it is…
You have a painful experience but supposedly you don’t remember it.
We know now that the body has memory (legs that are removed still itch)…
and your body has memory of being held down, stretched out, and
you don’t understand this.  Or cut into, pain.  Take your pick.
Confusing, making you untrustworthy, scared.

At least with my mom we could reason with her but that reasoning took the
form of her swinging at me and insisting she didn’t know me…
telling doctors I was lying about her medical history…
her taking her clothes off repeatedly in the hospital and they nearly tied her down.
(Thankfully I had family to corroborate and assist.)

And it was the beginning of her dementia.

So I am writing to tell you all:
I will never let this be used on an animal of mine again.
It is in my charts as well, no Versed/Midazolam.
I am not fond of mind-altering drugs.  And frankly, the FDA is not what it should be… Think of the many drugs that  have been found to have side effects, some deadly.
This one is good for the docs because they can bring you up and get you out of the hospital faster, and so I suspect this one is being driven by the insurance companies.
They say this is all anecdotal, but the coincidence of my mom’s experience, 90% of my female client’s experiences, and now our two cats is enough for me.

Remember, doctors are not gods, not all-knowing.
They listen to pharmaceutical companies before they listen to you,
and most dismiss your anecdotal experiences.
(BTW, our vet did not.)
And yes, all our treatments in the USA are driven by insurance companies not wanting to pay.  And, it is the go-to drug for surgery and procedures now

The “good news”…


I can’t tell you the joy I felt when I saw this in the bathroom.
He was playing his old game, the hiding-under-the-rug shark game.
I cried, that was how different he had been.

He is still not himself, but he is coming around a week later.

I’ll keep you updated on if he needs surgery or not.
If he does, we will do it when we can be off for a few weeks (we are looking at this possibility) as he has to be kept DOWN after surgery.

And no Versed/Midazolam!

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SoCS: Our Country

I  journal and do morning stream of consciousness exercises, and
I’m again participating in Linda Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday
I write to a timer, 15-20 minutes, no editing except spelling, and of course I add my art!
You can do it too!
The Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “adverb.”
Any adverb will do!  GO!

Note: I always hated adverb discussions… I find them so confusing.
Adverbs versus adjectives.  I had to look it up!
And still for some reason, find the whole damn thing confusing.
I bolded what I THINK are adverbs…. Toughy!

These days I ponder our brilliant Constitution and how it is being trampled on daily by people who stupidly follow this leader and his cronies to a place I fear may end us.

I fervently pray that people wake up.
This is not partisan, as I come from a divided family, yet they are a family that is truly patriotic and loves our country and our Constitution and Bill of Rights.

Frighteningly, it seems most people do not know the laws of our land, and why they’ve worked to keep peace between disparate peoples… and we are a mixed bag, we Americans.  We do not agree on so many things, but we used to come together over
the big things, and certainly our laws helped us because
we believed in due process, in the Balance of Power.

We’ve lost our Balance of Power because we’ve lost out Fourth Estate to corporatism…
and we may end up losing our country to stupidity.

I fear this isn’t going to end well.

For the rules, go to Linda’s blog;  feel free to join the fun!

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VSW: Sky View


A fantasy overview of conifers next to water…

A quick and easy doodle of the trees, a jumble of different colored ink lines.
Pentel Aquash waterbrush touching the lines lightly and not overdoing it, letting some white breathe through the trees, and I kinda like the end result, a wet scribble!

Ready for wise old growth journaling words…. Know anyone who can write?

As I have been buying TOO MANY inks,
I must paint with them!

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Peony, Young and Old

From young to old, fading…


When the peonies are young they are firm and vibrant.
So easy to fall in love with them.


When they get older, and begin to fade,
I love to watch the lessening of vitality.

I love the softness in color as the petals fade,
and sometimes it changes completely.

Why can’t I see that same beauty in myself as I am growing older?

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1 Week 100 People, After, I Continue: 73-88

I am SO surprised,
but after #1week100people I am choosing to draw more peeps…
I’ve just never been interested in sketching people before!
AND, I’m intent on finishing my Hahnemühle Cappuccino Sketchbook.

So imagine my surprise when Sketchbook Skool’s Danny Gregory
had a lunchtime drawing mug shots exercise?!
Fun, 2 minutes per image, and fit into my busy sKedule
(see how I did that?) for a break to sketch!
BTW, I knew that Danny slipped a mugshot of himself in there…

The woman looks sweeter than she is… I am sure she had a tough life.
I found myself making up ideas about who these thugs were, really…
The one under Danny looked innocent —
so maybe a serial killer?


Sorry I didn’t give France Van Stone a better amount of paper, what was I thinking?
Love this thug guy, a mad scientist!

I did the sketches within the 2 minutes, but have to admit that
I wanted to hit them with the waterbrush after… Robert Oster Melon Tea here,
is such a beautiful sketching color.

Same, sketched fast, then hit it with water…
FPR Himalayan with Birmingham Tarnished Nickel ink.

 A couple from our virtual walk…
Gargoyles are people too, and this guy is watching the Paris lovers.

Last, a woman from Sketchy, Dancerwoman.

More will come!

I am working in the Hahnemühle Cappuccino Sketchbook.

Review to come soon!

To hear about classes, follow me on Facebook
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SoCS: Strain

I  journal and do morning stream of consciousness exercises, and
I’m again participating in Linda Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday
I write to a timer, 15-20 minutes, no editing except spelling, and of course I add my art!
You can do it too!
The Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “strain.” Write about the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the word “strain.”


The past year has been a strain.  Family drama, my mom dying, finally the flu,
exhaustion, stress, being behind in our business…
HATE being behind in our business, and even more so at our age —
no more 12-16 hours possible days to get caught up!

Puts our health at a strain.

And there are things to be thankful for….

My husband and I have a great relationship and at our worst we are good with each other.  It doesn’t get better than that in a marriage.  Kind, considerate, understanding when the other is short, remembering that he or me is under strain too.

Grateful for the laughter the Cats provide.
Too funny, their antics, and also they know when we are stressed and want to help.

Thankful for the ability to drop into some sort of creative play once a day
most of the time.  THAT also reduces strain!

NOT a self portrait but an image of the
Carousel Shield with the Cherub!

For the rules, go to Linda’s blog;  feel free to join the fun!

Posted in art journal, creativity, journal, pen & ink, sketchbook, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments