Jai’s Death

I’ve had a pencil sketch of Jai in my moleskin for two years.
I sketched it from one of the last pictures we took of him.
I penciled it just after he died, and I’ve been unable to finish it.
Of course, that also effectively put my moleskin journal on hold
because every time I opened it I saw the unfinished sketch of one of my
most beloved buddies, and that nagged at me.

At the time, yes, I hadn’t drawn many cats… but my reluctance was more than that.
I wrapped my mind around doing a great piece that would honor my Jai Cat.
What a mistake to lay that pressure on myself!

Perhaps because of my commitment to finishing off my odd journals,
or because my mother is careening toward her own end
or maybe it had to do with the video I was sent for a group I lead,
*not that I am promoting this art group — I know nothing about them*
but I was determined to push through this damn page.

I let go of honoring him, of making it this big deal, and just painted.
*then a big drop of dark grey ink dripped on his face… oh well*
Its not my best work, but it is done, and I did capture one of his expressions.
And I will do others of him…  I have a jillion good pictures!

Moral of this story: Just Do It!

I wish we’d known him as a kitten;
he found us as an adult.

On the opposite page to Jai were sketches about the cats missing him.
Also stalled.
We have a lovely lotus candle holder and when we got his ashes back placed
them near the lotus on my desk… unlit, of course.

I started my sketch by painting the lotus, and letting the Primatek colors run…

Kamala and he did not get along.
Yet she searched daily for her nemesis.

Sammy had the oddest reaction, especially as he never gets up on my desk.
He rubbed all over Jai’s wooden urn, purring and purring.
Jai was one of his best buddies.

None of this is my best work, but I’m satisfied now,
happy that I began again in this journal and in painting him.

“Jai Cat Jai Cat My Cat My Cat…”

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“Memory is more indelible than ink.”
Anita Loos, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

About dkatiepowellart

hollywood baby turned beach gurl turned steel&glass city gurl turned cowgurl turned herb gurl turned green city gurl. . . artist writer photographer. . . cat lover but misses our big dogs, gone to heaven. . . buddhist and interested in the study of spiritual traditions. . . foodie, organic, lover of all things mik, partner in conservation business mpfconservation, consummate blogger, making a dream happen, insomniac who is either reading buddhist teachings or not-so-bloody mysteries or autobio journal thangs early in the morning when i can't sleep
This entry was posted in animals, art journal, journal, loss, memory, painting, ritual, virtual sketching, watercolor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Jai’s Death

  1. susanissima says:

    You are dealing with Jai moving on in such beautiful ways. ❤


  2. My heart is with you. I lost my boy after 15 years of lovin several years ago and he too was a tuxedo tabby. I still keep his photo on my bedroom dresser.


  3. loisajay says:

    Cats know…they just know.


  4. Tonya says:

    For some reason, this post just arrived in my inbox, but good for you Katie! I love your just-do-it attitude, and what a great way to honor your beloved furry friend. I am sorry to hear about your mother. Loss is such a terrible part of life, and my thoughts are with you!


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