Mother-daughter relationships can be difficult.
I love my mom AND ours is a difficult relationship.
It is much more common than most are willing to admit.
Mom has been moved to a Memory Care Facility this week…
She only stepped into dementia in an obvious way in the past few months,
though we saw what I call being-an-old-lady a bit before. She has great long term memory, but when her short term memory is shot, it tends to push her into anger and paranoia. Imagine if everyone around you in a hospital was saying this or that and you had no recollection… it gives me pause — I’d be thinking they were all nutz too…
She is not rational when that happens, and so, she has to be in a secure place now,
not in her apartment. She is also too weak in many ways to be alone 24/7.
Fortunately, I think we found a good facility, she shares a room, has good views and
good food and her friends can still visit her as it is close to them.
Long ago, she made the choice to stay where she is and not come to Portland with M and I, and it was a good choice for her, as she had excellent docs and friends and so forth.
Cleaning out her apartment was difficult.
I am not doing all of it; we have a good friend who does this as a business.
But many items came home with us, and so I had to visit that image of
a life coming unraveled and ending as we know it.
I am going to be drawing and writing a bit about this under the heading, “Mom’s Stuff.”
In this case, the blog may be my journal… but we will see.
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Katie, my friend, you know that I completely understand what you have been going through with your mom. I’m glad for you and for her that she is in a safe environment and is having her needs met. That’s so important because it gives you some peace of mind and there is less worry. The dementia, the irrational and forgetful moments, can’t be fixed, but there should be nurses and aides at her facility who deal with that often and can help to calm her.
As for your mom’s belongings, one thing I would re-do is go through the many things they packed up to go to St. Vinnie’s when they moved out of their house, and again when they moved from the apartment to assisted living. I may have missed one or two or three items that I would have taken and kept. I hope you were able to keep the items that had the most precious memories for you as they hold moments of smiles that can never be replicated or replaced. Love and hugs to you!
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It was quick but hers was now a small apartment. When she downsized things changed. And I realized I forgot something but the women who are doing the rest of the packing and selling are good friends and they have set a couple things aside for me. Huggs back to you! I know you know….
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These are hard times to work through, for everyone involved. Good luck, Kate.
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Thanks Dan… They are. She is in the hospital again.
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