This is one of the older posts from my other blog that I wanted here on D.Katie Powell Art.
It was a pivotal moment regarding various choices to teach in cyberspace.
It happened in November, and so is a bit of old news, but still relevant in terms of
art journaling and life lessons and making lemonade out of lemons.
It’s been an emotional moonth, and the end was where the roller coaster hit a wall.
THE STORYLINE. . .
The admins in a group I felt kinship with told me how they felt about me.
This telling came about through a mistaken incident, and that was bad enough, especially as it was done publicly (not by me) . . . and once that can is opened it is hard to close.
We unraveled it, and had to do some of that publicly too, which was awkward.
After two days of emails (hate not hearing a voice but many times zones),
when we had, I thought, come to some sort of understanding
and a way to open hearts (that wonderful pause where you see that
many have misinterpreted and jumped to conclusions over inadequate information,
and there might just be a way back to joy and center and community),
I was told how someone(s) felt about my personality.
I could not recover from the criticism mostly because there was a deadline attached
(two days), and one of the administrators was hiding behind the others,
the one who was the instigator. I was, frankly, reeling from hurt feelings.
☾ EMOTION + ART + JOURNAL ☾
It hurt. I actually felt like I could not breathe and my chest ached.
I felt exposed and raw and so very sad, a huge loss.
I began painting into the sadness.
The images above, the first day.
I decided to not teach in that venue, sadly. Teaching is such a joy.
The image below came the day after that decision.
Moving my own teaching schedule up instead.
As I pass my second Saturn return and head into the next 29 years,
I am again dealing with women, always with the women, familial.
After the tsunami, everything is in ruins. How to rebuild? What to consider for next time? One of the administrators and I discussed:
- Always remember that people who are strong can hurt too.
- Always remember not to wait to long to talk about what is bothering you.
- Always remember to check things out before going public —
- Go direct to the source first, as there is no going back once the genie is out of the bottle.
- Always remember that what may be safe to you may be frightening to another:
it’s your point of view, and it is valid, as is the other persons.
☾ More on the days following on Lunar Moondae ☾
Watercolors created with Lamy pen using Noodler’s ink in a square Aquabee Super Deluxe journal, with Daniel Smith, QoR, Sennelier and Holbien watercolors.
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I remember this, Katie, and hurt for you even though these are the ways we ultimately grow, recover, thicken our skin, learn to live with vulnerability. Some wounds go deeper, last longer and take more re-visiting. I think it’s unhealthy to pick at old scabs that are better left alone, but healthy to assess lingering wounds that need more care and attention to move us forward. It’s often hard to know the difference.
We are all such fragile, complex beings; self-care is the best way you can love yourself. 💖
I knew a few readers would have seen this, and it was one of the few older posts on the other blog I wanted brought over. It has steered my boat, so to speak, in a bit of a different direction, but I also found that a dear friend and artist also had a similar experience with this same group, and so I am in good company. I think that the direction I am moving is the best thing, and so it may have been an odd gift.
AND WHERE DO I GIT ME A BAND-AID HEART GURL?