Mom’s Death: A Month of Journaling, II


Continuing from the previous post…

After that I began to notice the times I thought of her —
I actually thought of her a lot more than I knew —
and each time I had to remind myself she wasn’t there anymore.

I had one rosary of hers for a long time;
she didn’t want this one in the hospital, but took one that glowed in the dark.
This rosary crystal is hand cut and it came from the Vatican —
she had a dear friend who was a priest in the Vatican
and had it blessed by the Pope for her.
It is a lovely rosary, and I’ve had it hanging on my computer.
I moved it onto my altar, next to my mala,
which coincidental, has the same number of beads.

That is when I drew it.

I’d had so many things swirling in my head and
this drawing began to offer a way to give my memories form.
Food was a huge part of what we shared and I wrote my favorite foods of hers.

I’ve done several of these kind of pages, a line drawing and then memories;
it is a nice way to create a memory page.

I now have so many things of hers in my studio and home.
Things she would not have let anyone have except that her time on Earth was over.

This one is one of the things I made as  kid, and now I have it.
How it survived 58 years?  She packed carefully when she moved!
This ceramic praying Debbie lived on her dresser.

Some of the pieces I don’t know the history of, but most I do…
This is a sweet double heart box, and I love it.
Right now it has things I made her in it, things I’ve drawn before.

A friend sent me a message:
Wishing you heart’s ease Kate.
Another round of tears.
I remembered that there was a flower called Heart’s Ease
but could not remember which one.
As the women in my family are connected up by flowers;
I looked it up to find it is one of four flowers that remind me of mom,
and a favorite of mine, Johnny Jump-ups!
This prompted a spread with Johnny Jump-ups and Forget-Me-Nots.

I will continue now to write about her.

After I published my previous post, a friend asked me why and how
I published things so close to my heart, and so sad in an art blog!

I don’t think we talk enough about the truth of what we are all going through,
and this leads to feelings of isolation.
I’m not a kid writing in my diary… so the only thing that stops me from sharing what I write is if someone else is alive and it would bother them.

My mother had some HUGE faults, neuroses if you will,
AND, I still loved her.  You can love a flawed human being…
And she was a great mother to me growing up.
One outpicturing of her neurosis was that she tried to
keep her family separated from each other.
I dunno, armchair psychologist here,
but I think it was so she could have some illusory control.
When she died, I was stunned that
no one in my family called me to speak to me about her death.
No one.  Still haven’t.  That was her legacy.

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About dkatiepowellart

hollywood baby turned beach gurl turned steel&glass city gurl turned cowgurl turned herb gurl turned green city gurl. . . artist writer photographer. . . cat lover but misses our big dogs, gone to heaven. . . buddhist and interested in the study of spiritual traditions. . . foodie, organic, lover of all things mik, partner in conservation business mpfconservation, consummate blogger, making a dream happen, insomniac who is either reading buddhist teachings or not-so-bloody mysteries or autobio journal thangs early in the morning when i can't sleep
This entry was posted in art journal, drawing, ink painting, memory, pen & ink, sketchbook, watercolor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Mom’s Death: A Month of Journaling, II

  1. Dan Antion says:

    These pages are simply beautiful. I am sad for the inspiration, but I think your depth of feeling has been captured.

    Like

  2. Sherry Felix says:

    A lovely homage to Mom.

    Like

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