He was MAD

I told you I was journaling more personally,
because I am an avid writer who works through things on paper.

How does one get to inner peace?  H0-boy.

A family member (NOT Mitchell) was mad and has yet to work it out with me.
I needed to work it out myself, didn’t want the energy swirling around in my head anymore, and so painted and wrote about it in the Endings and Beginnings journal.
I find getting things out on paper is almost as good as working them out in person in
one way — Mind keeps running it around and around then you put it on paper and
it is as if it says, “Okay, said that already, several times in several ways” and shuts up.
It doesn’t take away the hurt — that may take time — but it stops monkeymind cold.

Mad, meaning terribly angry, not a small tiff, is akin to madness in so many ways.
You lose your mind, and if you don’t come back then you have possibly lost it for good (?).
Mad is a closed heart.  Mad is staying in your monkeymind.
Mad is not allowing tathagatagarbha to reveal itself.
Mad is forgetting you love the one in front of you, even if you are pissed.
From a post on the Lojong (a Buddhist practice) on my other blogsite, Zenkatwrites:
Tathagatagarbha is the seed of awakening present in yourself, or, the Buddha within.  Mine dwelled in the woundings, which was covered up over many years of defenses and booze, and knee-jerk reactions.  It was vulnerability, a soft spot, and in a world of defended angry people, it was hard to let that soft spot lead.”
This family member stopped at a well-developed ego and never let go to explore
how letting that soft spot lead was a good thing, and would not kill him.

He is alive so I won’t publish what I wrote.  It is my only rule.


Nostalgie Sketch Book Journal took a beating on this little sketch.
Thick dripping puddling inks in grey and red (red for angry clouds no bloodshed)
and several layers of Primatek watercolors on top.
It laid smoother than some heavyweight papers.
Full disclosure, I do clip my pages while painting….

About dkatiepowellart

hollywood baby turned beach gurl turned steel&glass city gurl turned cowgurl turned herb gurl turned green city gurl. . . artist writer photographer. . . cat lover but misses our big dogs, gone to heaven. . . buddhist and interested in the study of spiritual traditions. . . foodie, organic, lover of all things mik, partner in conservation business mpfconservation, consummate blogger, making a dream happen, insomniac who is either reading buddhist teachings or not-so-bloody mysteries or autobio journal thangs early in the morning when i can't sleep
This entry was posted in art journal, creativity, ink painting, journal, loss, memory, pen & ink, process, sketchbook, watercolor, writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to He was MAD

  1. loisajay says:

    I am dealing with a supervisor like that now. She did not like how I handled something. The ‘something’ is fine. Over. Done. She is not. You can slice the tenseness in the department with a knife. ‘Getting over it’ is not something she does. I feel like I am walking on eggshells and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Felt good to write that, Kate. Thanks for the vent. Sorry you had to hear it.


  2. aeronm says:

    I am really enjoying your blog entries Katie! 🙂


  3. Great post Katie, thanks ☺


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